Silence rules over child-to-parent violence. You can take steps to change this.

Parents who are victims of abuse at the hands of their children are reluctant to speak up and, in turn, this form of family violence is thought to be grossly under-reported.  There are several factors that contribute to this reluctance.  For example, parents may:

• Blame themselves for the difficulties they experience in controlling their children
• Be reluctant to discuss their child’s violence for fear that their child will be prosecuted by the law
• Be afraid of rejection and being stigmatized once they reveal that they are being subjected to abuse by their children

Source:  http://afriqaustralia.org.au/?p=90

A brief review of the literature makes it understandable that parents often blame themselves for their child’s poor behavior.  Placing blame on parents has been a longstanding problem when discussing childhood disorders, among the most memorable is the concept of the “refrigerator mom” and the belief that this description of detached mothering caused autism.  We now know that this was a false belief and need to be very careful about perpetuating this type of thinking as it relates to other disorders and childhood behavior.

The literature today continues to contain reports of studies that aim to link parental behavior to behavioral problems in children.  Han and Shaffer (2014) state “…it has been widely accepted that children’s emotion dysregulation and risk for psychopathology is mostly shaped by their social environments, with particular emphasis on the family context.” However, it is very difficult to ascertain if these parenting styles labeled as criticizing actually cause childhood behavior problems or are a result of parenting a child with a difficult temperament, which the authors point out is a limitation of their study.  

What really needs to be asked is, how can an environment free of stigma and blame be fostered so that struggling parents can seek the help they so desperately need?

To answer this question and work towards an environment that fosters open and honest communication, we can look to the work that has been successful in reducing the stigma of intimate partner violence.  Social media campaigns that increase awareness and reduce the stigma of CPV are important, as are federal policy changes that increase surveillance of CPV.  Better reporting will allow for a better understanding of CPV prevalence and identification of families most at risk. Medical training curriculum needs to be revised so that health care providers are equipped to screen for CPV, have empathetic conversations about CPV, and are familiar with resources for these vulnerable families.

You can help in the following ways:

• Develop a clear understanding of CPV
• Remember that some parents struggle in raising their children
• Open lines of honest communication
• Ask open ended questions about parenting experiences and outlook
• Thoroughly explore areas of concern
• Be supportive and nonjudgmental

Source:  http://www.iwannaknow.org/teens/relationships/abuse.html

Reference:

Han, Z. & Shaffer, A. (2014).  Maternal expressed emotion in relation to child behavior problems: Differential and mediating effects.  Journal of Child & Family Studies. 23(8), 1491-1500.  doi: 10.1007/s10826=-14-9923-6.